Minions for a Week

If I had minions for a week, I'd be extremely upset. Despite everyone thinking they are cute and charming, I think the opposite. Their voices are irritating and remind me of a weird kid I met at summer camp. Not a pleasant memory. I would like them if they were useful to me, they could make me snacks when I need for gymnastics and lunches for school. They could give me massages and fetch me chocolate milk whenever I please (which is a lot). They would have to provide food for themselves, and not speak too loudly as their voices are insufferable.